What A Long Strange Trip Its Been – My Journey to the Left Coast

Yay! FINALLY a trip to California – where I can really let my Freak Flag Fly! Hey fellas, check out my hot pink feather boa beard…!

I took the train across country; a gorgeous two-day train ride starting in Omaha and passing through Denver, Grand Junction, Salt Lake City, Reno/Tahoe, Sacramento, and finally arriving in Oakland!

"Well I'm going out West where I belong; Where the days are short and the nights are long; When I walk, and They walk; I Twist, and They Twist; I Shimmy, and They Shimmy; I fly, and They fly; We're out there having fun…in the warm California sun."

After two days on the train, boy was I exhausted! But that didn’t slow me down! Spent the next couple days hiking! Hiked the Berkeley Hills one day and Point Reyes the next day!

After a long couple days of hiking, and surviving my first wildcat encounter (by hiding behind Masher), went home and relaxed with some home brew! And yes, I AM a "Beer Keg Cowboy". Um fellas, I hope that stuff’s medicinal…….right?!?!?

The next day I spent a full day biking the Bay Trail with my new friend Chris and my old friend Masher! (Well, actually I rode side-saddle with Masher while SHE biked the bay trail.) It was soooo much fun! I heart biking. I really do.

On the bike ride, I spotted a really neat store.

The following day, I went to San Francisco, the Mecca. Unfortunately, it was actually quite boring; though (surprisingly) I did not visit the Castro District this trip. I did however get the token Golden Gate Bridge picture and stopped by In & Out Burger.

Ok. Northern CA has been fun, but it's time for some warm Southern California Sun! Flew down to Chino Hills, a suburb of LA to visit my good friends Rumble-Kill-Skin and Jess-Sika-Ya-Face! Boy did we have FUN! First of all, I spent time playing on the playground…wee!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And then laid out soaking up the sun! And finally slammed some Boba Tea!

But the real fun came when the four of us went to a lively and hilarious Piano Bar! We had White Russians, Long Islands, Cranberry Long Islands, Sexes on the Beaches, JaegerBombs, and more…as the night rolled on, we got a little goofy! I requested the song Tiny Dancer, because that’s, like, my people’s anthem – bobbles all over the world live by that anthem! And guess what?!?! When they played that song (just for me!) I went up on stage, and the piano man SANG to me!!! I sat on his piano and looked him in his dreamy eyes, and it was AWESOME!!! I AM a Tiny Dancer! By the way, what a coincidence, there was another guy in the club with a pink feather boa! HOT! He even did a dance on stage! That night I laughed so hard, my drink came out my nose---several times! Good times!

Tiny Dancer in My Hand…Hold me closer tiny dancer; Count the headlights on the highway; Lay me down in sheets of linen; you had a busy day today.

The next day I was only slightly hung over, but I couldn’t let that stop me: it was 88 and sunny! We hiked Mt. Baldy (a strenuous climb) for some breathtaking vistas.

Well, I’d love to stay longer; I’m becoming quite the flower child. But my people in KC need me. Sooo, back to the Midwest we go. Hugs and Kisses, Lance

Eureka Springs, Arkansas - March 2011

This past weekend I went with my girlfriends, Scarlet Skulls and Masher (and many more beautiful people) to Eureka Springs, Arkansas for a weekend of mountain biking fun. Well, THEY went for mountain biking. I went for Eureka Gras - an Ozark version of Mardi Gras promising hordes of southern drag queens on parade. I just love a good parade, and drag queens are my weakness. It started off great. We went to a hip restaurant called Sparky’s which had the CUTEST waiter in all of Ozarkland - Bobby. I decided to ditch the girls and head to the Eureka Gras parties.


So I formulated a carefully laid escape plan: while the ladies were sipping their beers I glamoured them – making them forget I was even there. It worked! They were on their way out of the restaurant, leaving me behind and everything was going as planned; then I felt ‘Hot Waiter Bobby’ put his muscular arm around my waist and pick me up (wow, I couldn’t have planned this better if I tried!). However, the night took a turn for the worst - rather than stashing me in his pocket and taking me home for the night, Hot Waiter Bobby caught the girls as they were leaving the restaurant and told them they forgot their ‘bobblehead’. WTF!?! So Bobby ruined my great escape and instead I headed back with the girls to our cabin in the woods; not quite the night I had in mind, but what can you do?

When we got back to the cabin I wasn't in the best of moods, as you can imagine, but this light little piece of reading left behind in the cabin soon set my spirits high again.

These ladies sure do get me out of my comfort zone– we stayed in this super-cozy, cute cabin and they stored their dirty, filthy mountain bikes in the KITCHEN for Gods’ sake. I guess that’s what you get when you hang out with girls with names like Scarlet Skulls and Masher.

The next day we hiked. And then we mountain biked. And then we ate. And then we mountain biked more. I was fairly sore by the end of the day - my whole backside really took a pounding biking up and down those rocky hills. I have to say, it was super fun though. I’m beginning to really enjoy mountain biking.


Can you even see me on this table o'crap. And I thought women were neat and tidy...ha!

The whole mountain bike group got together that night for a pasta & beer dinner. I felt really at home being around guys in skirts. Maybe I should start hanging out with this skirt-wearing group more often.

At some point in the night I must have slept walked. All I know is that I was dreaming of cuddling with Drag Queen Peggy (the Queen of Arkansas); yet I woke up cuddling next to Masher. She awoke the same time I did and we both screamed! Neither of us expected to be sharing a bed with one another. I have absolutely no recollection of how I got there. After the initial shock, we both started laughing. Overall, it was a super fun trip and I’m ready for some more Southern Eye Candy – hope to go back again soon. Well…onto my next adventure….

Blizzard of 2011

I'm only 8" tall + it snowed 11" = 1 shitty day for a bobblehead.

...Or so you'd think. But I'm a HAPPY bobblehead. And what do happy bobbleheads do when it blizzards? We go out and PLAY in the snow! Yippee!! So this week a friend and I hiked and jogged at both the Maple Woods and the Parkville Nature Preserve. I just love playing in the snow!

I have some great winter gear so the 10-degree weather hardly bothered me, plus it helps that I'm so steamy hot that I generally melt all the snow around me.

Ah, blizzard sunset...how roMANtic!!!

Fu&#ing snowball!

Ok, the snow has been fun and all, but this body is truly made to be sipping Mango Margaritas on a warm and sunny beach. For my next adventure I'm definitely heading south...

2011 Groundhog Run

So I ran in the Gerbil Run, er…I mean Groundhog Run this Sunday!

I had a super fun time with my ladies, representing Team Feral: Slave Master Sheila, Graphic Vylence, and Jess-Sika-Ya-Face (not pictured). Nothing like barreling through tunnels for some high speed action. With all this running I’ve been doing lately, before you know it I’ll have the washboard abs I’ve always dreamed of!

OMG! And did I tell you that I have been selected as the official MODEL for a new line of race belts for ‘stylish’ men like myself! In other words, I’m "bringing sexy back" to the male racer (eat yr heart out Justin Timberlake). Crafted by award-winning designer, Petite Pandemonium, these belts are sure to be a huge hit! And yes, I did run in my Dockers.

Afterwards we went to breakfast and I got to sit with my favorite condiments. Soooo, when is the next run ladies? Count me IN! Ok, I'm off to my massage...Anthony is waiting...

Go East Young Man!

I really needed a break from this zoo...it was just eating me alive!

So last week they whisked me away on my first ever plane trip!

You mean I have to get crammed in that little metal tube and fly how many feet up in the air?!

Whew! We finally made it!

Hey! I thought this was supposed to be a fun trip? Anything with the word Labor in it can't be a good sign.

I guess I'm suppposed to be happy they provided me with my own name card?

Finally! A night out on the town! (I wonder if there are any intern positions available?)

I think the Washington Monument is my favorite building of all!

But the Pentagon metro stop has the best views! Maybe I can check into some new career options while I'm here!

Happy New Year to Me - AHHHH SPA!!!

I decided to end the year by getting a massage. My masseur's name was also Lance. I thought maybe it was fate and a love connection was about to begin. However, he kept talking about his girlfried. Even though I did not find my True Love it was a Great way to end 2010.

And Christmas Continues......

What? This isn't for me???